A Mango a Day

It is never the victim’s fault, they say. However, most of those affected still feel the inevitable guilt that sexual assault brochures assure against. Is this proof that the problem lies in the inability to define a victim? Skanks, whores, and bitches; surely they ask for it. Easy nymphomaniacs, nothing more than thirsty sluts. A man cannot be blamed for giving into his immoral desires upon encountering such a temptress, because there is not much other logical explanation for her dressing provocatively and being outspokenly flirtatious than because of her insatiable thirst for sexual gratification. This leaves a puzzling question: what is it that turned a beautiful soul into this creature of impurity? Well, if one does some research he or she will find that many sexually promiscuous women that society labels as dirty become so due to a traumatizing experience early in one’s sex life in which they were put in a position of subordination and discomfort. Feeling as if they were taken advantage of and had no control over their own bodies, they then subconsciously seek out more and different sexual partners in secure situations, beginning a lifestyle that is not understood by most. In fact, most would be surprised at how many women felt pressured or coerced into their first sexual encounters. Regrettably, barely an eyelid is batted when these same women are labeled as ‘thirsty hoes’ in the future after actually taking ownership of their bodies.

We are the tramps of society, destined to be defamed and used for other’s enjoyment. We do not deserve the respect we make so much noise about: just take a look at our questionable decisions and regrettable choices. We willingly chose to be sexually liberated, and along with it must deal with the price of discrimination and demeaning words. Why would we even want to be loose, are we not asking to be objectified? Of course it is not the same as when our counterparts engage in these actions. For them, it is a rite of passage and, do not worry, a man of character would never make a longterm commitment to such a dirty creature. They are just boys being boys, experimental at most. He was most likely ‘just too drunk’ if he crossed a boundary, and everyone knows that he cannot be held accountable for actions committed while so deeply in a state of inebriation that he cannot even remember it. Poor thing. It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. At least give him the benefit of the doubt.

This disgustingly hypocritical double standard in society is infuriating. Not only is judgment plaguing the minds of men, but also contaminating women’s pride in themselves. We are poisoned against loving and supporting our fellow sisters due to the processes of socialization conditioning us to compete with one another for the approval of others, and are subconsciously taught that we cannot enjoy the success we are capable of acquiring while there are other females threatening us. Why? Because while being professionally viewed as ‘one of the guys’ is desirable, there is nothing more annoying than being viewed as yet another bitchy and uptight girl. Too many women describe themselves as “the type of girl that doesn’t get along with other girls.” Who, then, is the type of person that wants to get along with girls? Keeping in mind that the term ‘get along with’ in this context refers to completely non-sexual friendships, the list is narrowed down to close to none. Furthermore, there are regrettably so many victimizing words that are wholly and fully defaming to females that do not apply to men at all. This must be so, we are taught, because a ratchet, thirsty, whorish prostitute that constantly ‘puts out’ must be labeled in order for society to understand her. Many of these names are arguably only used in facetious, demeaning insults. However, is humor at the expense of another’s tears really humorous at all? The mouth is the most cancerous weapon, and the wounds caused by its words have the ability to cause irreparable damage that no amount of therapy, psychiatric medication, or self-help can mend.

Thus, to females, there is nothing stopping Her from being as beautiful, wonderful, strong, and independent as the ideal self in Her dreams. Whether or not we live happily as we want to while suffering injustices and judgment, or as meek, engineered products of a man’s world, there is no easy way out of the paradox that life presents to us. However, once the mind is freed from the dungeon of society’s judgments and expectations on the proper way to live, fulfillment awaits containing infinite possibilities.

At what point is the boundary of morality crossed? We ultimately are born alone and die alone, but consecutively are taught that we ought to dedicate a significant portion of our lives to the support and happiness of our loved ones. The intricacies of our obligations weave through a mass of gray fuzz that should leave a complex perplexity for any thoughtful personality to puzzle throughout their lives until they have reached the point at which they no longer care. Can we rightfully breach moral contracts in the pursuit of our own psychological happiness? Is it right to say that we owe this to ourselves, and as a result label ourselves as blameless? Guilt is nature’s inescapable punishment for situations such as these. However, it seems as if there reaches a point at which one becomes so deeply entangled in the ruse to bleach one’s shame into purity that eventually indifference takes its place, in its stead preceding the accompanying emotional baggage. A clean conscience is always the first to disappear; sacrificed a plethora of ways as a result of the countless ways in which one can mess up. Subsequently, through a variation of evolutionary survival of the fittest, once one comes to the realization that honor and virtue are things that can be compromised, freedom is able to be enjoyed once again. Thus is the complete and simple solution to cure oneself from the ailment of stigma and remorse: apathy.

This series of digressions ultimately paves the way to the original paradox of this passage. Is losing your morality to indifference an equitable exchange for the beautifully pure and animalistic joys that are often unattainable with domestication and stability?

What is the most righteous way to live? It is suitable to say that we are all hopelessly displaced. Our role in the universe can be related to that of an insignificant minnow in a vast ocean. With our ever minuscule presence in the world, we then try to figure out: what is right? As Mad Men poignantly declares, ”There is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.” We lose ourselves in the search for a way to win the game of life, similar to how attempts at self help often have their way of leading one astray. Is it necessary to understand oneself? Must we understand ourselves to understand the universe, or understand the universe in order to find ourselves?

There is something poetic about living in the storm. A morally lacking empty, voracious lifestyle is so beautifully destructive it can be mistaken for art. Even the calm before the storm is odic; the knowledge that fear, chaos, excitement, and terror is yet to come brings an odd, unexplainable feeling of peace. We are taught that it is righteous to deny ourselves, but we are not given a sufficient explanation that we can be freely willing to accept. “Fear pushes you out the door, and desire calls to you. Enticing you toward the rocks” (Robert T. Kiyosaki). Fear comes from the possibility of making a wrong decision from which one cannot return, but who is to say that the past which one yearns to return to is at all desirable? Returning prevents the future, and without forward movement so disappears the viable trepidation along with the possibility of good. No reward is received without conceivable cost.

Along with this prospect, let it also be said that in one’s struggle, there is a difference between hating oneself and being helpless to change, and hating oneself but also having the knowledge of the possibility of forgiveness and the opportunity to live as a new and pure person. There was a time during which I reached a point where I could proclaim that I had no desire to end my life because inside I was already dead. However, I am hoping to be saved by the concept of renewal that is taught so thoroughly in religion, which is indubitably applicable in physical as well as spiritual existence. The awakening of my understanding and speculation has provided newfound purpose. The human brain possesses infinite capabilities, all of which are wasted if they are not made use of. There is immeasurable power in our thoughts, so much so that we can both save and ruin ourselves. Thus, we can reflect upon our values. What is our duty in existence? Must we care for one another so that we do not all perish as lost souls?

We are all united in the human condition. We inhabit this world; coexistent, concurrent, together, yet so alone. Are we alive or merely living, going through the motions? Why do we need to depend on society if nobody can or cares to understand us? Why do we seek affirmation when we know for a fact that we are capable of so much more without the inhibitions placed upon us by society? As humans we have many puzzling attributes, including the insatiable need to share our pain and success with others. If we were to be truthful to ourselves, we could face the reality and accept that nobody cares nearly as much about our existence as we yearn for them to. Sadly, because we are so naturally codependent on others and the world, we cannot easily learn to live freely.

To help us cope with the pain of realization, human nature has provided us with a natural defense mechanism in the form of ignorance. We are given the option of whether or not we choose to use this; consequently, there are both positive and negative aspects to this choice. If one does not think, one is numb to the pain. Ignorance truly is bliss, but similarly it hinders the soul from achieving a certain level of awareness and fulfillment that can only be gained from wisdom. Life is a double edged sword, and the only way to truly be victorious in it is to learn how to overcome the restrictions of merely wielding it either in defense or as a vessel for harm.